Take two.

Second chances.

Forgive and forget… or not?

At one point or another we all get hurt. And chances are, we channel that hurt into anger towards a certain source – the person or people who we believe are the instigators of our pain.

But all that hurt and anger is pretty counteractive to leading a happy life. And moving forward.

So, forgiveness is a way of finding peace.

But there’s more.

In order to forgive, we have to empathize. And this requires putting ourselves in the other person’s shoes. Far from easy, not so comfortable, very destabilizing but incredibly eye-opening.

It’s so easy to hold on to the hurt and so much more difficult to let go of that anger. The hurt is often nestled in the feeling of losing control – because we can’t control what others do to us – so by staying angry, there is at least a sense of regaining a certain control of the situation. 

Curiously, the anger is normally deep seeded in love. Without the underlying attachment, the hurt dissipates quite quickly. With love, everything is more agonizing and tends to drag on indefinitely.

So, as the hurt comes from a positive place, at least initially, it may be worth taking the time to check in with the moral compass and try to see the flip side. The hurt is all about us, but when we turn the tables, the portrait becomes more complete and infinitely more intricate. All of a sudden, it’s not just about what the other person did to us, but also about the why.

Could it be that this person was struggling? Could the hurt stem from a misunderstanding?

Was everyone just trying to do their best, given the circumstances and their emotional wherewithal at that point in time?

Is it possible that there is so much more to lose by grasping at the anger instead of letting go of the hurt?

We are all human. Humans make mistakes. Our mistakes can hurt others. This chain reaction of hurt is also the link that holds us together.

Our greatest falls from grace can actually provide the starting points of our most formidable feats. Mistakes often become pivotal moments, changing our paths, strengthening our resolve and shaping our destiny.

So just as we must learn to forgive ourselves for our missteps, should we not at least contemplate clemency for others?

Maybe it’s not really a second chance, but more of a fresh start or a new beginning.

Live, love, learn. Repeat.

The sun will rise again.

Ogunquit Tides chairs at sunset and Footbridge beach at sunrise.

Photos @ Ruth Arless-Frandsen, 2022.