Liar, liar, pants on fire.

Can you hear the chanting in the playground? The childhood rhyme sounds so innocent and conjures up images of naïve distortions and trivial untruths.  Think: “The dog ate my homework” or “Yes, my room is clean (just don’t look under the bed)”. I am sure you can hear your 10-year-old self, uttering these or similar phrases, always with one objective in mind: avoiding the consequences. 

Why? 

Well, facing the consequences is…consequential. 

I mean, what child would willing put themselves in harms way? Who would purposely sign up for getting a detention from their teacher or risk being reprimanded by their parent for not doing their chores? 

I have recently praised the keen insight of the child, notably for their unwavering ability to focus on the self. I lauded this capacity in children because, while it is often forgotten with the years, it is the key for adults to prioritize their physical and mental wellbeing. Despite these positive attributes, the child’s perspective has some obvious downfalls. The exaggerated self-centered optics need to be kept in check. Taking care of you is good. Narcissism not so much.

Teens can also easily shy away from the truth, as they are often willing to go great lengths to avoid bearing the consequences of their questionable choices. This is somewhat to be expected as they tread through the murky waters of adolescence and the push-pull dynamic of independence and reassurance. Teens want to show their parents – and the world – just how autonomous they are. They do this by making decisions all on their own. However, as the teen brain is still developing and the synapses haven’t completely connected to each other, these decisions are often riddled with poor judgement and rational lapses. Hence, the teen will often skirt the truth in order to avoid the unpleasant consequences of their faulty judgement and skip hearing the notorious “I told you so” from their parents. 

Fortunately, most of us grow out of this phase. As we learn to foresee the consequences of our actions, we can avoid putting ourselves in situations where we feel, as a means of self-preservation, that we need to sidestep the truth. We also learn, usually by experience, that lying actually compounds the initial trespass, making things ultimately worse, in the long run, for everyone, including ourselves. 

Most, but not all.

I have recently been confronted by some astounding lies. No, I am not talking about my teens not being upfront about their vaping or their Saturday night plans. Rather, full-fledged adults outright lying in order to spare themselves the consequences of their actions. I feel an array of negative emotions: deception, hurt, anger and disgust.  So, this blog is part therapy: trying to rid myself of some of that toxic negativity that is now within me (through no fault of my own). I am also somewhat dumbfounded at the breadth of the betrayal, which has forced me to reflect on where the lies stem from. As far as I am concerned, just as the child trying to avoid being grounded, it still all comes down to the cowardly act of eluding repercussions. 

Facing the consequences is such a brave thing to do. It takes a lot of heart and nerves of steel. Only true warriors need apply. The truth is not for the faint of heart. Or, for the ego-centric. 

You have to be willing to get real. With others. With yourself.

Telling the truth means that you are willing to assume the consequences of your actions. 

It means that you have as much respect for others as you do for yourself. 

It means you are not just a victim of circumstance. 

It means you are playing an active role in the story of your life.

It means you are willing to learn and grow.

It means you can look yourself in the mirror (and like what you see).

It means that you are willing to lose a little face, in order to gain a lot of soul.

Being truthful and brave is about respect for you and those around you. It can allow you to be a better version of yourself, rather than the mannequin standing in the window, looking perfect, yet perfectly empty. That emptiness is the culmination of untruths. Try as you might to fill the void, the fillers are no substitute for the truth.

So, I raise my glass to those of you who are being raw, honest and true – to the world and to yourselves. I salute you for your bravery. You are the people who I want to be around. It may not always be pretty, but it will be real. 

For the liars who cross my path, I will unabashedly call you out. I don’t really care about keeping up with the Jones, nor I am willing to waste my time with superficial appearances.  At this point in my life, that’s my vibe. Time is precious and I want every second of it to be free of fancy packaging, sugar coating and artificial fillers.

Face the music or face the door. Assume your choice.

#grit&grace